I was meandering through Costco the other day and ran into a loved one. Not technically family, he’s family through marriage and I absolutely adore him.
He also happens to be nearly deaf.
This is usually not a big deal. I just speak a little bit louder when I’m around him. But this time, that didn’t work so well and the conversation went like this:
Me: Hello! (big hug)
Thom (name changed to protect the hearing impaired): Why, hello! (Flashing his genuine, million dollar smile)
Me: How are you?!
Thom: I’m good. I’m good. So, what’s wrong with you again?
Me: Oh. I’m okay. I’ve just been having occasional seiz-.
Me: (a little louder) Well, we’re trying to figure out why I’m having…
Me: (unintentionally louder and clearer than necessary) WE THINK I MIGHT HAVE EPILEPSY….
Thom: Nods and smiles and drives the cart away. I’m pretty sure he still didn’t hear me BUT the rest of Costco did…better than had I announced it on the intercom. (Does Costco even have one of those?)
On that note, a dear friend recently pointed out the wisdom of Billy Madison:
“You ain’t cool unless you pee your pants.”
Perhaps it’s out of necessity but suddenly social incontinence is no longer the most embarrassing thing that could happen…
I could always have a seizure while naked.
This happened to my friend Rachel. Her husband was pretty freaked out and sought help from his sister-in-law, whom they were visiting. The only trouble was, he was naked too.
Rachel recalls coming back to awareness and the first thing she noticed was that she was wearing her husband’s silky jersey shorts. He put them on her as the paramedics were assisting her. Her husband is substantially beefier and 9 inches taller. They were a tent on her but they obviously did the trick.
True story. (shared with her permission)
And people say romance is dead. Psssshhhh.
Peeing in public? Naked seizures? Accidentally making awkward announcements to the entire state of Utah?
This is new territory for sure. All I know is, I’m in the best of company.